Chapter 1Flew out to catch my friend's cheating boyfriend. Surprise! Caught MINE too.
Mr. I'm-Working-Late-At-The-Lab was on one knee in a restaurant with a ring in his hand.
His buddies were all around them, yelling and clapping like maniacs.
"Bro, you and Stella have been together FIVE YEARS! Finally putting a ring on it! Dinner's on YOU!"
Sawyer grinned and kissed her right on the mouth.
"Damn right. You guys are ALL coming to the wedding. Front row seats."
I stood there frozen.
Wait—five years ago? We were still in high school. Senior year.
And then it hits me.
Back then, this girl kept rolling up on her motorcycle, throwing herself at Sawyer. Real piece of work.
Her name? Also Stella.
Four years I waited for him long-distance.
Turns out he wasn't waiting. He was playing house with her.
---
Sophomore year, Stella started showing up outside our school. Leather jacket, motorcycle, the whole badass look.
She asked Sawyer out. He said no.
She got mad and pointed at me. "Seriously? You like boring girls like her? Lame."
That's why Sawyer couldn't stand her.
One time she even crashed our assembly and confessed to him in front of everyone.
Sawyer straight up called her shameless. Didn't even try to be nice.
But she kept coming back. Every day after school, same spot.
"Hey cutie, hop on. I'll give you a ride."
Sawyer and I just walked past her every time.
"Nah."
This went on for three months.
Then one day, Stella and her friends cornered me in the alley behind school.
She grabbed my face.
"You're only pretty 'cause of this face. If I mess it up, maybe he'll forget about you."
She had a knife. Cut me right across the cheek. Four inches long.
After that, I had this huge scar on my face.
That's when Sawyer lost it. Like, completely snapped.
His eyes were all red. He stormed into her school, dragged her out of class, and beat her ass.
Our school wanted to kick him out.
I begged for three days straight. On my knees outside the dean's office. Crying the whole time.
They finally let him stay. Probation instead.
Sawyer never says sorry to anyone. But he got on his knees in front of our entire class. Crying. Saying he was sorry.
Stella switched schools after that. I never saw her again.
Until today.
This girl in front of me? Curled hair, light blue dress, all smiley and sweet.
Nothing like that red-haired girl in the leather jacket.
But I know it's her.
Same bitch who tried to wreck my face. Who never even said sorry.
I try to go in, but this hostess blocks me.
"Sorry, we're closed. Private party tonight."
Clara's seen Sawyer's pic on my phone before. Now she knows I got cheated on too, she's pissed.
"We're not eating. Her boyfriend's in there cheating. We're dragging his ass out."
The hostess smiles. Super polite but not budging.
"Then I really can't let you in. Someone's proposing right now."
Clara's about to lose it. "That cheating asshole is PROPOSING? I'm gonna smack them both."
More staff come over, trying to kick us out.
"You got the wrong person. This guy books our whole restaurant every year on this day. It's his girlfriend's birthday."
"They're like a perfect couple. Total fairy tale."
I freeze.
Wait. Five years ago? We were still in high school.
Chapter 2
I've been keeping a diary since I was like, six.
Five years ago today? That was our last practice test before the SATs.
Sawyer never skips school. Even when he's sick. But that day? He called in.
I texted saying I'd come see him. He said no. Didn't want me getting sick.
Year later, same day. He sends me a cake pic. Says it's his roommate's birthday.
Year after that, we were supposed to go on this road trip. He cancels last minute. Says he got some "great internship."
I keep scrolling through my old entries. It just keeps getting worse.
Then it hits me. This sick feeling in my stomach.
I pull up our graduation photo and show the hostess.
"Look, I go to Columbia. We went to high school together. I'm just in town and wanna say congrats."
"My friend just got cheated on, so she's kinda going crazy right now. Sorry."
After arguing for like ten minutes, they let me in. Just me.
I find the room. Cake's already cut. Everyone's just hanging out, laughing.
I stand in the doorway.
Watching Sawyer hold hands with the girl who fucked up my face.
A minute later he goes out to smoke with some guy.
I text him. "Where are you?"
He texts back instantly. Sends a pic.
[At the lab, babe. So tired.]
The guy looks at his phone and laughs.
"Wait, you still talk to Mira?"
Oh shit. I know him.
Jake. Sawyer's best friend from high school.
He's the asshole who lied to me that day. Said Sawyer was in trouble in the alley. That's how Stella got me.
After I got hurt, Sawyer dropped him.
But now they're out here smoking like nothing happened.
Jake keeps going.
"Makes sense. She's crazy about you. She's not gonna dump you over distance."
"Senior year you failed that math test on purpose to follow Stella. Mira almost dropped out of Columbia for you."
Sawyer and I grew up next door to each other. Always planned on Columbia together.
High school, we were both top three in our class. Teachers said we'd get in no problem.
But Sawyer tanked the test. Missed Columbia by eighteen points.
I thought it was 'cause he got sick right before. Told him I'd take a gap year and reapply with him.
He said no.
"Don't throw away your future for me. There's other schools. You go to Columbia. Live the dream for both of us."
So I went to Columbia in New York.
He went to UC San Diego. Opposite side of the country.
Every summer before I left, same promise.
"Four years long distance. Then I'll transfer to Columbia for grad school. Then we get married. Deal?"
But he just proposed to Stella.
"So what now?" Jake asks.
Sawyer takes a drag. Blows out smoke.
"I'll marry Mira. I owe her after what happened to her face."
"Plus my mom loves her."
"Stella though..."
He pauses.
"She's my soulmate. We don't need a marriage certificate."
Chapter 3
I wanna cry. But I can't. Nothing comes out.
I always thought we could survive anything.
Guess he moved on. I just didn't know.
I should go out there. Yell at him. Make a scene.
But I can't move.
When I finally get outside, Clara's still going off on the staff.
"I follow their account! They post constantly! He's NOT a cheater!"
Some waitress pulls out her phone.
"Look. Last Valentine's he made her a scarf. Every winter they go see snow together. Just 'cause she likes it."
"Honestly? We all wanna find a guy like him."
She looks at me. All sweet and genuine.
"Hope you find someone like that."
I fake a smile. Swallow hard.
On the way to the airport, I search their account.
He blocked me.
So I make a burner and look them up.
Every video's a knife to the chest.
Last Valentine's I had time off. Wanted to fly out.
He said no. Said his professor had him stuck in the lab.
"You'd just be alone the whole time. And you hate flying. I don't want you dealing with that."
"I'll visit soon as I can."
He did visit. One day. Then bounced.
Said school needed some urgent forms.
Turns out Stella flew back early to surprise him.
He promised to take me to see snow senior year.
Four years. Never happened.
But he'd taken her. Multiple times.
It's all right there. Video after video.
I trusted him more than anyone. He knew that.
Clara watches two videos and loses her shit.
"I'm gonna fucking KILL him—"
I grab her arm and pull her away.
"Clara, wait."
"What? Why'd you stop me? I'm gonna beat his ass right now—"
"I know. But this is different."
Clara met her guy on a summer trip. Two months later they went long distance.
Sawyer and me? We grew up together. Best friends before anything else.
I defended him to everyone. Clara said long distance never works. I said Sawyer was different.
Said he always texted back fast. Always told me where he was.
I thought we were still close even when we weren't together.
But now I know.
He texted back fast 'cause he was already on his phone.
Those locations? Fake.
I never knew what his life was actually like.
If we hadn't flown through here today. If I hadn't shown up...
I'd still be waiting. Still believing. Still planning everything.
I don't say a word the whole flight home.
By the time we land, the sun's coming up.
I finally text him back.
[We're done.]
