Chapter 1I was the dumb kid. Every time I left the house, got lost.
Didn't wanna be the dumb kid anymore. So I stuck a little notebook in my pocket.
Drew all these messy maps with colored pencils—bus stops, landmarks, intersections.
Then Mom and Dad took me and my little brother to the amusement park.
I got lost again.
Walked for two hours with that wrinkled notebook. Finally found them at a dessert shop.
Then I heard Brody. Laughing.
"Mommy! The game where we lose Rory is so fun! Let's hide even BETTER next time!"
Dad fed him a cherry. Smiling.
"Sure thing, buddy. Next time Daddy'll drive us somewhere far."
I froze.
Turns out I wasn't dumb. I was just playing a game I was never gonna win.
I walked to the trash can. Ripped up every single page of that map I'd spent a year drawing.
They loved their little game so much?
Fine.
New round of hide-and-seek.
This time I'd disappear. FOR REAL.
---
"Rory, where'd you go? I was looking everywhere."
My mom Vivian stood by the dessert shop with her fancy bag.
Makeup perfect. Hair perfect.
Didn't look worried at all.
I hid my hands behind my back. They were covered in paper scraps.
My feet hurt bad in these shoes. The blisters were killing me.
I looked up at her.
"Sorry, Mom. Got lost again."
My dad Grant came out carrying Brody. Had two cake boxes in his other hand.
The Disney ones from the park.
Brody was eating cherries. His mouth was all red.
He looked at me and laughed.
"God, you're so dumb, Rory."
He spit a pit on the ground.
"We were in there forever. I already finished my ice cream."
I looked at the pit. Didn't say anything.
Grant glared at me.
"Rory, your brother knows to stay with us. You're six. When are you gonna learn?"
That voice again. Like everything's my fault.
"If we weren't trying to help you, I wouldn't bring you. You embarrass me."
I looked down.
"You're right, Dad. I'm too dumb."
Vivian came over and patted my head. Total fake.
"Grant, she's back. That's good. Rory, don't run off anymore."
She didn't check my feet.
Didn't ask how I found them.
Grant made a noise and walked to the car with Brody.
"Let's go. She ruined everything."
Brody stuck his tongue out at me from Grant's shoulder.
I walked behind them. Way behind.
When we got to the car, Grant opened the passenger door.
Vivian got in and fixed her lipstick.
Grant put Brody in his car seat. Made sure everything was tight.
I opened my door and got in.
The car started.
Brody's favorite kids' song played.
Grant looked at me in the mirror.
"Rory, no TV this week. So you remember."
His voice was so calm. Like he was some kind of judge.
"You won't learn if I don't punish you."
I watched stuff go by outside.
"Okay, Dad."
Brody kicked around and leaned toward me.
"Rory, you can't even find anything. A wolf's gonna eat you."
He pulled at my shirt button.
"Your button's gone. You look like trash."
I lost it when people pushed me around.
I pulled my shirt closed and pushed against the door.
"You're right. I'm trash."
Vivian sighed up front.
"Rory, you're too quiet. Be more like your brother. Be fun."
She moved the visor thing.
"We're doing this for your own good. You'll get it later."
For my own good.
Like chains for six years.
We pulled into the garage.
Grant gave both boxes to Brody when we got out.
"Here. Your present."
He didn't give me anything.
At home I was taking off my shoes. The blister popped.
Blood got on my sock. Left a mark on the floor.
Grant saw it. His face changed.
"Rory, you doing this on purpose?"
I got down and grabbed the rag.
"Sorry, Dad. I'll clean it."
I wiped up the blood bit by bit.
Vivian took Brody to wash his hands. Didn't even look at me.
"Clean it and go to your room. Think about what you did."
Grant threw his jacket on the couch.
"No dinner tonight. Think about how to act when we go out."
I washed the rag and put it back.
Then limped down the hall to that tiny room.
Soon as I shut the door, I heard Brody laugh.
"Mom, I want the chocolate cake!"
I sat down against the door.
Didn't cry.
Crying doesn't do shit.
Chapter 2
The next morning, yelling woke me up.
I opened my door and saw Brody jumping on the living room couch.
He pointed at my room and shouted.
"Mom! I don't wanna sleep in my room anymore! I want Rory's room!"
Vivian was in the kitchen frying eggs.
Walked out with a plate.
"What's wrong, sweetie? Dad put that cool ceiling light in your room just for you."
Brody stomped his feet.
"I want Rory's! Her window's bigger. I can see the stray cats outside!"
He looked at me.
"Rory's so dumb she can't even find her way home. Why does she get the better room?"
My room wasn't even that nice.
It was just a second bedroom. Didn't even have its own bathroom.
The only good thing? The window was big and got good light.
Vivian turned to look at me.
"Rory, you're up."
She set the eggs on the table. Her voice was sweet.
"Your brother wants a change of scenery. You're the big sister. Deal with it."
She walked over and tried to tap my forehead like always.
I moved my head to the side.
Her hand froze.
Her eyebrows came together a little.
"What? You don't wanna?"
Her voice went cold. That guilt thing.
"He's still little. You're six. Just share with your brother."
I looked at her. Nothing in my eyes.
"I'm fine with it, Mom."
Brody cheered and jumped off the couch.
He ran straight into my room.
"This easel's mine now! And this little lion too!"
I followed him in.
He was knocking all my stuff onto the floor.
"Brody, I'm taking these with me."
I bent down and picked up the faded stuffed lion.
Brody snatched it out of my hands.
"No! It's in my room now so it's mine!"
He yanked on the lion's ear and stared me down.
Grant walked out of the master bedroom, fixing his tie.
"What's all the noise?"
"Dad, Rory won't let me play with the lion." Brody's face went all sad.
Grant walked over and shot me a look.
"Rory, you're fighting with your brother over a beat-up toy? Is this how you act as a big sister?"
He didn't hit me.
Just looked at me like I was trash.
"I'm not fighting."
I let go. Brody grabbed the lion.
"I'll clear out the room right now."
I turned and started packing my old clothes.
Grant nodded.
"That's better. Don't be so petty all the time."
I carried a cardboard box into Brody's old room—the one with the fancy ceiling light.
It used to be a storage closet.
No windows. You had to turn the lights on even at noon.
I shoved my clothes into the dresser.
At the very bottom, I found a crumpled piece of paper.
It was Brody's checkup form from the clinic at the amusement park.
The date? The day before we went to the park.
So Grant and Vivian had already taken Brody to the park before.
They'd scoped it out. Planned the route.
They even knew exactly where that dessert shop was.
And I was the only idiot walking around in the sun for two hours with a stupid notebook.
I smoothed out the paper. Then ripped it into pieces and threw it in the trash.
At breakfast, Grant poured Brody a glass of warm milk.
"Drink up, Brody. Get big and strong."
I picked up the bowl of cold porridge in front of me. Just ate.
Vivian sat across from me, cutting her eggs all proper.
"Rory, your birthday's next month. You'll be seven."
She set down her fork and knife and looked at me.
"Your dad and I talked it over. We're taking Brody to the beach for a few days."
I put my spoon down and looked up.
"What about me?"
"You get lost too easily. It's not safe to bring you."
Grant jumped in, all high and mighty.
"You're staying with Harris downstairs for a few days. Behave yourself."
Harris was the building's janitor.
His wife was a drunk with a bad temper.
Grant wasn't sending me there to keep me safe.
He just didn't want me around.
"Okay, Dad."
I went back to my porridge.
"I'll behave at Harris's."
Grant and Vivian looked at each other.
Surprised I was being so good. But mostly they looked satisfied.
"That's more like it. As long as you listen, your dad and I still love you."
Vivian picked up a piece of egg and put it in my bowl.
I looked at it. My stomach turned.
But I swallowed it anyway.
Chapter 3
First week in that room, I got real quiet.
Stopped watching TV. Stopped trying to talk to them.
Only came out to eat. That was it.
Brody loved having Mom and Dad all to himself.
He started messing with me even more.
One night, Vivian made pork rib soup.
Grant gave Brody a huge bowl. All the good meat.
My turn? Grant stirred the pot with the ladle.
Gave me half a bowl of broth and two bones.
"Rory, your stomach's weak. Don't eat meat."
I picked up my spoon. Didn't say anything.
Right when I grabbed the bowl, Brody reached for the pepper.
His elbow hit my bowl.
Hot soup went all over my hand.
The bowl smashed on the floor.
I jerked my hand back. My skin turned red instantly.
"Oops!"
Brody made this big dramatic gasp and hid behind Grant.
"Dad, how come Rory can't even hold a bowl? She scared me."
Grant pulled Brody close and glared at me.
"Rory! Can't you eat without making a mess?"
He didn't look at my burned hand. Just stared at the broken pieces on the floor.
"You're so clumsy. Clean this up. Now."
Vivian sat there, sipping her soup real slow.
"Rory, you dropped the bowl. Brody was just getting the pepper."
She didn't say a single word to Brody.
In this house, everything was my fault.
I stood up and walked to the kitchen to get the broom and mop.
Then got on my knees and swept up the pieces.
The burn on my hand started to blister. It hurt like hell.
I didn't look up. Didn't say it hurt.
Just cleaned up the mess. Calmly.
Grant watched me scrub the floor. He frowned even harder.
"What, you mute now? Can't even say sorry?"
He snapped at me.
I stopped and looked right at him.
"Sorry, Dad. Sorry, Mom. I couldn't hold the bowl. I scared Brody."
My voice was quiet. Totally flat.
Grant looked like he didn't know what to say.
He waved his hand, annoyed.
"Whatever. Finish cleaning and get back to your room."
I put everything away and went back to the dark storage room.
Didn't turn the lights on.
I felt around till I found the nightstand. Pulled out a dead pen from the drawer.
Pressed it into the blister.
It hurt bad.
But I needed that. To stay awake.
Late that night, I heard them talking next door.
Just a thin wall between us.
They thought they were being quiet. I heard everything.
"Grant, you book those tickets yet? For the beach?"
That was Vivian.
"Yeah. Already paid Harris too."
Grant sounded like he was flipping through papers.
"But I changed my mind."
His voice had this nasty edge to it.
"Harris's drunk wife has been causing problems lately. If we leave Rory there and something happens, cops'll come asking questions. Too messy."
"Then what do we do? Bringing her to the beach will ruin everything."
Vivian whined.
"We're not bringing her."
Grant laughed. Cold.
"This Saturday, we'll take her to the plaza by the train station."
"It's crowded as hell there. We'll play another round of hide-and-seek."
"Leave her there. Let her sit at the train station plaza all day."
His voice sounded so cruel.
"Only way she learns is if we dump her there. Then she'll know who's in charge."
"We come back from the beach, report her missing, go get her."
"Don't feed her for a few days. She'll listen then."
Vivian didn't say anything for a second. Then she laughed.
"You always figure it out. Brody said last time wasn't fun enough anyway."
I stared up at the dark ceiling.
They weren't sending me to Harris's anymore.
They were gonna dump me at the train station plaza and leave me there.
For a whole week.
They didn't care if I got taken or hit by a car at the station.
All they cared about was control. And keeping Brody happy.
I rolled over. Squeezed that dead pen.
A game?
If they loved playing games where they dump me so much—
Fine.
This time I'm gone for real.
