Chapter 1Arianna Carter died the summer after graduation.
Her secret diary—filled with years of unspoken love—wouldn't find its way to him until a decade too late.
...
Vermont summers meant cicadas that never shut up.
The second Arianna walked into homeroom, a thick textbook slammed into her chest.
"Murderer! You backstabbing bitch! How the hell do you have the nerve to show your face here?"
"God, I can't believe you're actually here! You were the one hanging with those gang losers, and when Mr. Hiddleston rushed in thinking you were in trouble, they stabbed him like fifteen times and left him bleeding out on the pavement!"
"And you couldn't even show up to court for him—just ghosted everyone and ran!"
"That amazing man died trying to save your sorry ass, and you let his killers walk free. Do you even have a soul?"
The words hit her like punches. More voices joined in, a chorus of rage and disgust that made her chest tighten until she could barely breathe.
Arianna's throat closed up. She couldn't speak, couldn't defend herself.
She stumbled to her desk in silence. Someone had carved "KILLER" and "WHORE" deep into the wood—the letters jagged and angry.
That's when he walked in.
Jayden Hiddleston.
Six-foot-two of lean muscle and sharp jawline, the kind of guy who could've been homecoming king if he'd wanted it. But right now, those green eyes that used to light up when they saw her were flat and cold as winter.
The classroom went dead quiet.
Arianna felt her heart hammering against her ribs as she took a shaky step toward him. "Jayden, please—I didn't blow off the trial on purpose. I had a cardiac episode and they rushed me to the ER. I was in surgery for three straight days..."
He stopped walking. For just a second, something flickered across his face.
Then his mouth twisted into something that might've been a smile if it weren't so cruel.
"Yeah? Well, maybe you should've died on that table instead."
The blood drained from her face. Her knees nearly buckled.
Because he was right, wasn't he? She should have died instead of his father.
A week ago, she'd been cornered by those gang members after school. Trapped in that alley like a scared rabbit.
Mr. Hiddleston had died saving her worthless life.
With no security cameras, those animals claimed self-defense—said the older man had attacked them first.
Arianna was the only witness. The only one who could've sent them away for murder instead of some bullshit manslaughter charge.
But when the trial came, her defective heart had landed her back in the ICU.
Without her testimony, those bastards got three years in juvie. Three years for killing the best man she'd ever known.
Everyone was right. She'd killed Mr. Hiddleston just as surely as if she'd held the knife herself.
Tears burned her eyes, but all she could choke out was: "I'm... I'm so sorry..."
The bell rang.
Jayden shouldered his backpack and walked around her like she was a piece of furniture. Took his seat in the back without another glance.
Nobody spoke to her all morning. She might as well have been invisible—or better yet, dead.
At lunch, she stood in the cafeteria line alone for the first time in her life.
Jayden used to do this for her. Every single day since middle school, he'd grab her tray and navigate the chaos while she waited safely to the side.
"Come on, Anna," he'd always say with that crooked grin. "You're like five feet tall and ninety pounds soaking wet. These animals would trample you for a slice of pizza. Stick with me, kid."
He'd started calling her Anna after reading Little Women for English class sophomore year, said she reminded him of Beth March—quiet and gentle and too pure for this world.
God, how right he'd been. Beth March had died young too, hadn't she? Jayden probably never imagined his nickname would be so prophetic.
A commotion outside snapped her back to reality.
"Holy shit, someone call the principal!"
"It's Jayden from our class—he's completely lost it! Cut sixth period to pick fights with those gang guys, and now he's looking for more. Someone's gonna die!"
Arianna's blood turned to ice. She knew exactly where he'd go—the same spot where his father had died trying to save her.
She ran.
By the time she reached the alley, her chest was on fire and she could taste copper in her mouth. But she kept going.
Jayden had seven guys on the ground, all of them groaning and bleeding. His knuckles were split open, blood running down his arms, a nasty cut above his left eye.
He was straddling the gang leader, pounding his face into pulp.
"Stop... please... don't..."
The guy was barely conscious, but Jayden's eyes had gone completely black. He was somewhere else entirely—somewhere violent and unreachable.
One more hit and that thug would never wake up.
Arianna threw herself forward and grabbed Jayden's wrists with both hands.
"Stop! Jayden, please—just stop!"
His whole body went rigid. The punching stopped.
For one heartbeat, she thought she'd gotten through to him.
Then he shoved her so hard she crashed into the brick wall, stars exploding behind her eyes.
He pulled out a cigarette with shaking hands and lit it, leaning against the opposite wall like nothing had happened.
His voice was dead calm. "Where's the rest of your crew?"
The gang leader spat blood. "What?"
"Call them. I'm not done."
Arianna struggled to her feet, her vision still swimming. She could see the blood on his hands, the wild look in his eyes that said he was ready to kill someone today.
Her heart was breaking all over again.
She stepped between him and the thugs on the ground, her voice cracking. "Jayden, please don't do this to yourself. Your dad wouldn't want this. He'd hate seeing you throw your life away." She took a shaky breath. "If you need someone to hurt, hurt me instead."
Those green eyes focused on her then, sharp and predatory.
He took a long drag and blew smoke right in her face—not even trying to aim it away from her.
His smile was pure poison. "You know what? You're right."
She braced herself, expecting him to hit her. Part of her almost wanted him to.
Instead, his voice dropped to a whisper that cut deeper than any punch.
"Go kill yourself, Anna. Do everyone a favor and just fucking die already."
The words hit her like a physical blow. She actually staggered backward.
Jayden flicked his cigarette away and walked past her without another look, leaving her standing there with tears streaming down her face and her heart shattering into a million pieces.
She watched him disappear around the corner, then whispered to the empty alley: "Okay. I will."
After her last surgery, the doctors had been brutally honest. Her heart was too damaged for any more procedures. At the rate it was failing, she had weeks left. Maybe a month if she was lucky.
But standing there in that alley where Mr. Hiddleston had died for her, watching the boy she loved walk away like she was already dead, Arianna wasn't sure luck had anything to do with it anymore.
Chapter 2
After Jayden left, Arianna stayed pressed against that brick wall for what felt like forever, clutching her chest and trying to breathe. When she finally made it back to class, her hands were still shaking.
She dug through her messy desk drawer for her medication bottle.
That's when three guys from her class snatched it right out of her hands and dumped the pills all over the floor.
"Cut the helpless act, would you? You really think you're some tragic little princess?"
"These are probably just vitamins anyway! What a joke!"
They laughed as they stomped on the scattered pills, grinding them into powder with their sneakers.
Arianna watched her heart medication—the only thing keeping her alive—get destroyed right in front of her. The familiar chest pain started up again, sharp and insistent.
The ringleader bent down with a nasty grin. "What's wrong? Weren't you gonna take these? Go ahead—eat them off the floor!"
Arianna collapsed into her chair, her breathing getting shallow and fast.
That just made them bolder. The same guy grabbed the red cord around her neck, yanking her forward.
"Nice necklace. How much did the killers pay your family to keep you away from that trial?"
That crossed a line. Arianna jerked away from him, clutching the pendant protectively.
"Don't you dare! This was a gift from my mother!"
After the doctors had given her weeks to live, her mom had driven all the way to St. Mary's Cathedral to have this obsidian cross blessed. She'd made Arianna promise to wear it every day—said it would help ease the pain in whatever time she had left.
While she was fighting to keep her necklace, the classroom door slammed open.
Jayden stood in the doorway, taking in the scene with cold, empty eyes.
The guys immediately let go and stepped back, looking guilty as hell.
"Hey, Jayden, we were just... you know, standing up for you..."
But Jayden looked right through Arianna like she wasn't even there. His voice was flat with annoyance. "Weren't we supposed to play basketball? Are we doing this or not?"
He wasn't here to save her. She was just making him late for his game.
Arianna stared at the cuts still healing on his face, her chest aching for a completely different reason now.
She remembered how he used to beg her to come watch him play. "Come on, Anna," he'd say with that crooked smile. "Who else is gonna bring me water when I'm dying out there?"
She'd always pretended not to understand. "Why does it have to be me?"
And he'd look at her with those killer green eyes, teasing: "You tell me why."
Now he couldn't even stand to look at her.
Just as Jayden and his new crew started to leave, a voice called out from the hallway.
"Jayden! Could I maybe come watch you play? I could bring you water and cheer you on?"
Harper Portman from the next class over.
She'd been chasing after Jayden since freshman year—three solid years of rejection. He'd always turned her down gently but firmly.
This time was different.
He shrugged. "Sure, whatever."
Harper's face lit up like Christmas morning as she fell into step beside him.
Watching them walk away together, Arianna felt her heart literally skip a beat—not the romantic kind, the kind that meant her medication was ground into dust on the floor and she was probably about to pass out.
She fumbled for her backup pills and dry-swallowed two of them.
Jayden cut the rest of his classes that day.
During study hall, Arianna stared at his empty desk and opened her diary to a fresh page:
May 10th, 2015 - Sunny
Jayden,
28 days until graduation. This is entry #278.
I was going to give you this whole diary after graduation—my big confession. Tell you everything I've been too scared to say out loud.
But I don't deserve to love you anymore. And you'd probably burn it without reading a word.
I'm going to keep writing anyway, because I'll love you until my very last breath.
Even if you never know.
...
Walking home that afternoon, Arianna automatically looked toward the Hiddleston house across the street.
All the windows were dark. Jayden still wasn't home.
Her heart sank a little more as she let herself into her own house.
"Honey!" Her mom rushed over the second she walked in. "How was school today?"
Arianna forced a smile. "It was fine."
She'd been raised by a single mother who'd already sacrificed everything for Arianna's medical bills. The woman who'd brought her into this world was now going to have to watch her leave it. She'd suffered enough.
Her mom studied her face for a long moment, then sighed. "I went to the courthouse today and filed for a case review. We're going to clear Mr. Hiddleston's name, sweetheart. I promise."
Arianna's eyes widened. "Really? They'll actually reopen it?"
"The lawyers think we have a good shot. But..." Her mom lowered her voice. "Let's not tell Jayden yet. If it doesn't work out, I don't want to get his hopes up."
Arianna nodded quickly. "Of course."
Her mom gently brushed some dust off the obsidian cross at Arianna's throat. "Keep this on, okay? Don't take it off for anything."
"I won't."
Arianna headed upstairs to her room, missing the way her mother's face crumpled the moment she was out of sight.
What Arianna didn't know was that the "blessed" necklace contained a tiny camera—her mother's desperate attempt to record whatever precious time they had left together.
Chapter 3
The next morning, Arianna posted up at their usual corner like some pathetic stalker, clutching yesterday's notes like a peace offering.
When Jayden finally appeared, she practically threw herself in front of him.
"Hey, you missed calculus and AP lit yesterday. I wrote down everything for you—all the important stuff for finals."
Her voice came out way too eager, too desperate. She hated how she sounded.
Jayden stopped and actually looked at the notebook. For one insane second, Arianna thought maybe—
He flicked his lighter open and touched the flame to the corner of her notes.
"No!" The word ripped out of her throat as she watched hours of her careful work catch fire. He held the burning notebook for a few seconds, letting the flames really take hold, before dropping it on the sidewalk like a piece of garbage.
His smile was pure cruelty. "Did you seriously think I'd still want to go to college with you? That I'd want to be anywhere near you for another four years?"
The words hit her like a punch to the gut. She actually staggered backward.
They'd planned their whole future together—same school, maybe even the same dorm. Jayden had been studying his ass off for the first time in his life, all because of their stupid teenage promise to never be apart.
Now she was watching that dream literally burn at her feet.
"I just—" Her voice cracked. She pressed a hand to her chest where it felt like something was tearing apart. "I thought maybe for your mom's sake, you'd want to keep your grades up—"
"My mom?" Jayden's laugh was like broken glass. He lit a cigarette with shaking hands. "My mom's in a psych ward, Arianna. She sits in her room all day talking to my dead father like he's still there. The doctors say she might never come back from this."
Each word was a knife twisting deeper. Arianna felt tears burning her eyes, her throat closing up.
"She was supposed to help me move into my dorm this fall," he continued conversationally, like he was discussing the weather. "Now she can't even remember to eat unless someone reminds her. So tell me—how exactly is studying supposed to help with that?"
"Jayden, I'm so sorry—"
"Save it." He stepped over the ashes of her notes, grinding them into the concrete with his heel. "Just fucking save it."
Arianna stood there long after he'd disappeared around the corner, watching the wind scatter the burnt pieces of paper. Her chest hurt so bad she could barely breathe.
By the time she made it to school, Jayden's desk was empty again. Third day in a row.
Madison Walsh, queen bee of their graduating class, made sure everyone heard her opinion: "He can't even stand being in the same building as her anymore. Can you blame him? She got his dad murdered and now she just acts like nothing happened. It's psychotic."
The words hit Arianna like a physical blow. She slumped in her seat, her vision going spotty around the edges.
Maybe they were right. Maybe she should just... disappear. Make everyone's life easier.
During lunch, she sent him a text with trembling fingers: If seeing me makes school unbearable, I'll transfer. Just please don't give up on your future because of me.
Her phone stayed silent.
That afternoon, they called all seniors to the gym for graduation photos.
Arianna almost didn't go. What was the point? But something made her drag herself down there anyway.
And there he was.
Jayden stood near the back of the crowd, sporting a fresh black eye and split lip. Her heart clenched so hard she thought she might pass out right there.
He was destroying himself, and it was all her fault.
When they lined everyone up for the class photo, Arianna automatically started moving toward their usual spot—front and center, where they'd stood in every school picture since kindergarten.
Then she caught herself.
"We'll be in all the same pictures forever," he'd promised her once, grinning that crooked smile that made her stomach flip. "High school, college, our wedding photos—you're stuck with me, Anna."
Now she pressed herself into the far left corner of the front row while he took his place in the back right. The entire senior class stood between them.
This would be their last photo together. Ever.
After the group shot, everyone swarmed Jayden for individual pictures. Even people who'd never spoken to him wanted a photo with the tragic boy who'd lost everything.
Arianna didn't join the crowd. She had no right.
Instead, she waited until one of the photographers finished with a group of cheerleaders.
"Excuse me," she said quietly, her voice barely audible. "Could you take a picture of just me?"
She needed something nice. Something her mom could use when... after.
The man positioned her by the windows where the natural light was best. Arianna tried to smile, but her face felt like it was made of plastic.
After reviewing the shots on his camera, she pointed to the least terrible one. "This one. Could you print it 12 by 16?"
The photographer's face went white. "Honey, that's... that size is usually for..." He couldn't finish the sentence.
Arianna's smile felt like it was cracking her face in half. "I know exactly what it's for."
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
She spun around so fast she nearly lost her balance.
Jayden was standing right behind her, his face a mask of fury and something that looked almost like panic.
"Funeral photos?" His voice was deadly quiet now.
"Are you out of your goddamn mind?"
